Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
