$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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