Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
