He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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