I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
