something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
