She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
