he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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