I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
