I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
