Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
