I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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