Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
