dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize