piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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