I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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