He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
