Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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