i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
