Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just want nice things and good sex
We had sex on a dog bed..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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