i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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