i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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