I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
