never play flip cup with pint glasses
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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