even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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