Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
