All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
