I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need a beard to bite.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
