What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
