Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Buhtt sex?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
