ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
