I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
