I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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