thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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