Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
