found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
