There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize