can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
