is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
