my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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