I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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