i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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