i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
