My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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