Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
