she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
