my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
