I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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