I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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