The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
