Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
