I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
