What a fucking waste of an outfit
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
