Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
