i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
