I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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