The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize