she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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