Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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