thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
