Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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