i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
