i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
