Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
