i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize