you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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