We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
