were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize