dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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