Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
