pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize