just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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