why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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