She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
