fuck your aforementioned shoe
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
