I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
