last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
