I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize