i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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