I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
