After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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