He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
