i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
