I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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